Parents to be proud of
Your children can grow up as happy as everyone else’s kids – despite the divorce
Will divorce really harm my children?
Want to reduce the toxic effects of divorce on your kids? Use the Alternative Divorce Guide to create your own map for navigating divorce & family breakup. Will divorce really harm my children? Please be clear on this: divorce and family breakup does not harm children. However, adversarial the divorce – parents who battle through the courts; who communicate without respect or compassion; who fail to lead the way in how they can still co-parent and put their children first despite the challenges of the divorce process – those children WILL be harmed long term. They may struggle to have healthy relationships themselves in the future, and some will even
self-harm or be more likely to suffer from addictions. There are long-term studies which demonstrate this – but we all know it is obvious that a nasty divorce will hurt the kids, because we all know people who have been the victims of such divorces.
How do I tell my kids what is happening?
Parenting experts can advise and guide you on how to explain what is happening to the children, which will differ depending on the age of the children. There are even story books for younger children to help them understand what is happening. The key is to accept that they may often blame themselves, and it is vital to reinforce the message that the breakup is a decision made by their parents, is nothing to do with the children, and that both parents love them very much, and always will.
How to I stop my kids being used as weapons in this divorce?
A common scenario is for the men to use money as a way to control the situation, and the mother to feel disempowered and use the children as weapons in a war of bitterness and anger. This can
especially happen if a new partner appears on the scene, and the mother starts blocking access to the father to his children unless the new girlfriend/wife is kept away from the kids. Ofcourse this
happens the other way round too. It can all seem very reasonable behavior to the parent at the time – but it is driven by their emotional state and is very destructive. This is where counselling, coaching and parenting experts can be invaluable.
What is a parenting plan & how can I create one?
Parenting plans are a great way to formalize arrangements regarding the children, and can be created with the support of a mediator, collaborative lawyer, or working with a parenting expert.