You might think that asking someone who has been divorced for advice about how to get a divorce would be a good thing to do. But often it is a very bad idea indeed.

Because it depends how their divorce went. If it was messy, expensive, traumatic – getting their advice is a bit like asking a gun owner to show you how to use a gun – only he’s got a bullet in his leg from when the gun misfired. And he can’t quite understand how it all happened because he was doing everything he should do just right – so it must be the fault of the gun, or the gun manufacturers.

Meanwhile he has a bullet in his leg and he is an ‘expert’ on how to use guns because he (mis)fired one, once.

Just because someone has experienced a divorce, that doesn’t make them an expert on a better way to divorce. 

So before a self-proclaimed expert starts giving you divorce advice, remember to ask them a few questions first.

Questions like: “Did you do any research? Oh, ok, you just went to a lawyer. That was it?”

Questions like: “How is your co-parenting relationship these days? Ah, not so good? Haven’t seen the kids for months because she is still angry about the divorce settlement and that flash barrister you used? That must be depressing.”

Questions like: “Did you get any expert financial advice? No? And you’ve worked out that the divorce settlement you made wasn’t one you could actually sustain? That’s awkward. Back to court again then?”

What I suggest, is that you don’t mistake bad experiences for ‘knowledge’ – ask the right questions before you decide who to listen to.

You don’t want to shoot yourself in the leg.

Suzy Miller
Divorce Strategist

Access free divorce resources at http://bestwaytodivorce.co.uk

 

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