Some say that having to lay blame at someone’s door for the end of a marriage is a reasonable thing to have to do before the first 2 years of separation are ended.
But what are the reasons why this view may be misguided?
Resolution – the Family Law Association – are campaigning for No-Fault Divorce, and I for one am also supporting that campaign, for the reasons I describe in the BBC Radio interview you can listen to below:
(Suzy Miller: Alternative Divorce Guide on BBC Radio Sussex)
I spoke to a gentleman the other day who is experiencing the early stages of divorce. Not only is he feeling traumatised by the whole experience, but the accusations of blame by his spouse via her solicitor – in order to provide ‘grounds for the divorce’ – have added not only more emotional pain, but also anger, neither of which helps encourage an amicable divorce process. Whatever reasons his spouse creates (out of her own emotional state of anger and pain) to ‘blame’ her husband for the divorce enshrined in the divorce petition, have no practical bearing on the need to produce a financial agreement and child access arrangements, other than to make that whole process even more fraught and laden with acrimony than it already is.
On every level, the idea of ‘fault’ is harmful and pointless. The concept, sometimes muted – that taking away the blame makes divorce ‘too easy’ – indicates only that the person saying those words has absolutely no idea just how difficult divorce is on every level, with or without blame. It is misguided thinking, in my opinion.
Anyone focused on supporting parents through divorce, where the level of conflict has a direct impact on the children involved, knows only too well that what couples need is support, not more excuses to be reminded of why they don’t want to be together anymore.
January is International Child-Centered Divorce Month. The entire month is dedicated to helping parents minimize the negative effects of divorce on children – by giving them the tools and resources they need to support their kids during and long after a divorce.
Throughout January divorce attorneys, mediators, therapists, financial planners, coaches, parenting experts and other professionals around the world will be providing complimentary gifts offering advice and insights to help parents best cope with divorce and parenting issues. None of those resources actively encourage ‘blame’ – so why is it enshrined in our legal system, if it has no benefit to anyone, and harms families?
Resolution believes that the law urgently needs to change to allow people to break up with dignity without a two year wait. Currently a divorce can only be sought within two years of the formal separation by one partner stating the details either of their partner’s adultery or their unreasonable behaviour in order to proceed with the divorce, making an already difficult and distressing process even harder.
Why not just wait two years before divorcing?
Ok, so you just try moving your life forwards when you are financially and legally tied to another person you don’t want to live with anymore. It’s ridiculous to expect people to have to struggle with that situation for no common-sense reason. It’s crazy.
As International Parenting Expert Rosalind Sedacca so rightly says: “The more aware parents are, the more quickly they can address challenges that come along regarding their children’s behaviour, getting along with their co-parent, adapting to single life and transitioning into a brighter future. We remind parents they are not alone and encourage them to reach out for help, support and useful resources to minimize stress and maximize success.”
So let’s focus on support and empowerment of parents – not inadvertently pushing them into a combative mindset.
For more information about International Child-Centered Divorce Month plus access to all the free gifts and special events taking place in January visit: Divorced Parent Support.