People separate from one another all the time, but it’s not something that children have to manage. The issues of the parents are not supposed to be imprinted onto children, but anyone who is a product of a divorced family will know that this happens whether they like it or not. As a parent, there are choices that you can make to limit the damage to your children, and these are things that you need to consider because anything you do and say during this time is going to be retained.
Every single situation and every child is different, so the way that you handle your separation and how you manage the children is going to be different. You need to think about your words and actions, your children’s reactions, and how they need support, too. Here are five golden rules for guiding your children through your separation so that they take on the least hurt possible.
Keep The Conflict Away
Children deserve to feel safe. They deserve to feel loved by both of their parents, and they don’t need to witness hurt words and loud voices – that’s for the family solicitors to see. While it’s healthy for children to see an argument through to resolution, separation doesn’t have the same loving outcome. Children need to stay away from the conflict so that they can feel secure and know that you still love THEM.
Respect Each Other
It’s not a respectful time to be in a clash with each other, but your children are going to feel much better if you raise them seeing you respect each other. No matter how many harsh words are in your mind, if your children hear them, they will think that’s how you feel about them. After all, they are half of the other parent. Instead, use respectful words to each other and about each other when speaking to the children.
It doesn’t matter how many arguments you have about maintenance or about which nights of the week the children stay with you, provide for your children. You can believe that your child support money pays for the mother if you want, but remember that she is paying for rent, bills, and food on the table – not just the toys and clothing for your children. Provide for your children and look for help if you need it.
You do not have to be a friend to your ex or any type of confidant. However, you chose to come together to create children, so be open about your communication when it comes to them. Keep your children safe and stay respectfully updated with each other so that you can both be aware of what your children need, where they are and when.
Keep A Lid On It
It hurts to go through a divorce and upend your lives. It hurts down deep where no one can heal that hurt. However, your children do not need to witness this pain. Keep a lid on your hurt feelings whenever you are around them and assure them that they will be secure and supported no matter what.
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