If there is one thing that can be genuinely intimidating after divorce, it’s having to sit down with your ex and effectively communicate. However, this is often one of the most important things you can do, especially if you have kids that you are co-parenting. Happily, there are some tactics you can use to improve your communication skills in this situation. Read on to find out what they are.
Break down any barriers to understanding
Sometimes it’s not the other person being difficult; that is the problem in communication. In fact, often that something is getting in the way of us understanding what they are trying to say to us.
One of these things can be something as simple as not being able to speak the same first language, which means things can so easily get lost in translation. Although, translation apps or working with a counsellor, or legal professional that speaks both languages can really help.
In fact, even if your ex-spouse has a strong accent, the subtitles of what they are trying to put across can be lost. To that end, making an effort to do a little research into accents by reading posts like this one on Most Famous British Accents and what they are saying can really help. In fact, if nothing else, it will show that you are making an effort and even something as small as that can help to shift the way you communicate. Something that in turn can help to turn the entire relationship around.
Learn to really listen
There are two types of listening. One is where you are always waiting for the other person to finish so you can get in your say. While the other is about focusing on what they are actually trying to get across to you.
Of course, it is the latter version that is most successful for genuine communication. To that end, developing and practising active listening skills are a must. These include repeating back what the person has said, and affirming you have heard them. Even when you don’t agree, as this can make communication after divorce a lot easier for both parties involved.
Also, when it comes to communication after divorce, it is vital to set boundaries that both people respect. This is because even when amicable, divorce can be fraught with difficult emotions and raw nerves. With that in mind setting limits on what can and cannot be talked about or brought up can help to keep conversations productive.
In particular, setting boundaries when it comes to blaming and anger is very important. Also, it is improbable that your ex will want to hear all about your new relationship, even if they are happy that you have moved on.
With that in mind keeping the details of your current parentship out of the conversation is essential. Oh, and do you best not to compare your old partner to your new either. The reason being that this will undermine all the hard work you are doing to build a relationship where you can effectively communicate.
* This is a contributed post and may contain affiliate links