When you are married, and especially if you have been married for a long time, you might not realize just how different you have become until that marriage comes to an end. You can look back and wonder what on earth you were doing with life decisions and thinking about how unhappy you were. You can question why you even stayed. You might also think about why you didn’t do more or fight to stay; no divorce is the same and the reasons can vary completely. But if it has ended in divorce, you now need to navigate a new kind of normal and come to know yourself once again. Here are some things that you could do to help to ‘find yourself’ with this new way of life.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
This one can be a hard one, especially if the divorce wasn’t led by you or instigated by you. But you are now divorced and it is time to move on. This isn’t an excuse to self-sabotage and sit and feel sorry for yourself for the rest of your days. You won’t be able to truly find yourself again and move on if you are just focused on how much of a hard time you have had. It is time to move on.
Make new friends
You might be friends with your ex still, or you might not be. But the chances are that either way, there will be some couple friends that you might not be able to, or want to, hang out with all that much. So now can be a good time to start to make some new friends. If you meet people and they don’t know your ex, then it can be a nice fresh start. You could look into something like over 50s dating if you think that is for you, or meet new friends at new groups. You might have more time to socialize after work, with mom friends, or the time to join that running group that you have always wanted to. So make the most of it and have fun meeting new people and making new friends.
The chances are that you will have spent the last however many years of your life with your life focused around your spouse or your life as a couple. Did you have to check things with them before you went out? Did you do things that you know would make them happy, but ultimately wasn’t something that was that joyful for you? Now is a time to find yourself and you can do that by being a little more selfish, doing things for you. If you have children and a home to take care of, then those things need to be done. But if they are taken care of, then you can do what you want to do. If your spouse didn’t want you to cut your hair in a certain way or dress in a certain way, then go ahead and do that if it makes you happy.
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