Sometimes, your relationship won’t prove worth fighting for. There are certain situations in which a person is exhibiting completely unacceptable behaviour that you shouldn’t put up with at all and there are certain situations where someone simply won’t change or you just cannot be compatible. It’s important that you know when to walk away from a relationship, no matter how much you might want it to work.
Domestic abuse is It can manifest in different forms and each is entirely unacceptable. It can be an incident or pattern of incidents that control, coerce, threaten, degrade or humiliate you. The most commonly recognised form of domestic abuse in relationships is physical violence. This is where one partner will hit or otherwise physical harm another. If you are experiencing any form of physical harm at the hands of your partner, this is domestic violence. Another form of domestic abuse is psychological or emotional abuse. This is when your partner manipulates and controls you mentally or emotionally. They may guilt trip you, gaslight you or destroy your sense of self worth. You should also be aware of financial abuse (where your partner controls you through access to money or resources), sexual abuse (which can include sexual acts that you have not consented to) and other forms of abuse. In all of these situations, it is absolutely essential that you leave your partner. It can be hard to do this, but there are sources of support out there in the form of support groups, help lines or even police intervention.
Disagreements on Children
If one partner wants children, but the other doesn’t, the relationship is likely to be incompatible and this needs to be acknowledged at an early stage. At the end of the day, there needs to be mutual agreement on this subject to ensure that both partners are happy. You cannot coerce someone into having a child and you also cannot deny someone the opportunity to have children if they want them. If you do not agree, you need to separate so that both of you can live your lives without any regrets.
Disagreement on Other Big Life Choices
Other big life choices can impact whether your relationship will work or not too. If you want to move to another country and live overseas, but your partner is set on staying in their hometown near family and friends, chances are things aren’t going to work in the long run. Sure, it could work for a few years. But if you coerce your partner into moving, they’re likely to feel sad, homesick and bitter about moving. If you decide to stay, you’re going to feel stifled, feel that you are missing out and feel bitter about staying. Big life choices like this that cannot be compromised on need to be agreed between both parties and something that you are both genuinely happy with.
Sometimes, a relationship simply won’t work due to general incompatibility. You might both be nice people. You might get on. But there might just not be that spark there that makes a relationship work – and you can’t force this spark. You and your partner need to be compatible with one another to make each other happy. Settling with someone who you’re not all too compatible with will lead to long term feelings of dissatisfaction that can’t be overcome.
Attempting to Save the Relationship
Sometimes, you might want to attempt to save your relationship. Maybe there aren’t major or dangerous problems at hand and you feel that a little work may be able to get things back on track. If this is the case, here are a few different things you can try out to try to make things work again.
Couples therapy may sound pretty serious, but it is a great option for anyone looking to save their relationship. Often, disagreements and difficulties occur due to a lack of effective communication and therapy is a great way of expressing yourself in a controlled and overseen environment. Your therapist will guide conversation to uncover underlying issues in your relationship. They will be able to advise both parties on things they can do to resolve these issues and to be a better partner. This may come at a cost. It may also be relatively tiring and intense and you may have to face up to some facts that you’ve been ignoring for a while. But generally, people believe that it is worth the investment and effort. It can have really great results!
Understand Your Partner’s Love Language
Sometimes, relationships struggle because people don’t really understand what their partners want. Nowadays, people are beginning to focus more on love languages to ensure that they’re making sure their partner feels loved in a way that they understand and appreciate. There are five common love languages and knowing your partners can ensure you do things that make them happy!
- Words of affirmation – this love language values words. They want to be told just how much you care about them. Try to give plenty of compliments, write cute text messages, write love letters and make sure that you regularly tell them you love them.
- Acts of service – if your love language is acts of service, you’re likely to believe that actions feel that actions speak louder than words. These people appreciate small gestures that show you’ve been thinking about them. Try picking them up a coffee when you come to see them, do the dishes after dinner, cook for them or carry out other caring acts.
- Receiving gifts – people with this love language like to be surprised with presents and gifts. Whether that’s a bunch of their favourite flowers, a box of chocolates or anything else!
- Quality time – some people really value spending quality time with their loved ones. They like to feel that their loved one is around a lot and that the time spent together is focused on the two of you. Make sure to make plenty of time for this person.
- Physical touch – affection can easily be communicated through physical touch. People who have this love language tend to like holding hands, being kissed and having an arm around them.
Learn to Compromise
So many people’s relationships suffer because they want absolutely everything their way. When it comes down to it, no two people are exactly the same and you’re likely to find times when your partner wants to spend their time doing something that you don’t want to. It’s important to compromise and give another space to do the things you enjoy without necessarily having to involve the other. Instead of arguing when they want to watch the English Football League, why not find something else you want to do during this time and occupy yourself with something you enjoy too. Rather than arguing about one person always doing a chore, find a way that you can split it so both people have to carry it out equally. Compromise really is key to happiness.
Recognise Your Own Faults
We tend to place the entire blame for problems and difficulties on other people. It’s pretty rare that people will be introspective and take a look at how they have contributed to a problem. But you do need to stop delegating blame and consider your own faults every once in a while. Sure there are some situations where you may be completely in the right. But sometimes, there will be cases where you’re actually in the wrong. Recognising your own faults and holding your hands up to them is the first step on an important journey to self improvement. This can help your relationship in general – especially if both you and your partner do this!
Of course, there’s a lot more that goes into saving a failing relationship. Sometimes you need to walk away straight away. Sometimes it’s worth a try and you will salvage things. Sometimes it’s worth a try and you’ll find that things still don’t work and you need to walk away. Regardless of what you choose to do, it’s important to respect yourself, value yourself and ensure you’re doing what’s best for you and makes you happiest. Hopefully, some of the above advice will help you along the way!
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