Of course, divorce is a difficult time for all; it’s the end of a relationship, and maybe the end of one you thought would last forever, only for your lifelong plans to go sideways for a reason you never foresaw. But when you’ve got children to think about as well, a whole new layer of complication is added to the situation.
Kids have to get used to a lot in life; they grow up gaining more experience as they go, but to live with such a huge, structural change at such an early point in their life can be next to devastating. And there are many reasons for this, as we’ll go through below.
Loss at an Early Age
Kids are often far more resilient than we may think, but that doesn’t mean they bounce back in good time, or indeed, with healthy thoughts in their head. Indeed, getting in touch with a custody attorney and going through a long, drawn out custody battle might seem like a natural and worthy process to you, but your child may simply just be feeling loss throughout it.
A Potential Abandonment
Abandonment is a strong and nasty word, and it’s not something you ever want to think of when applied to your children. However, through no fault of yours or your ex-partner’s, this might be how your child feels at the end of the process.
It’s unlikely that the two of you will still live together after the separation, and when someone moves out, that’s the most physical sign a child will see. The home is different now, the routine is different, and who knows what other, new people will get involved? One of the most important people in your child’s life has walked away, and they may take that very badly.
Confusion and Anger are Very Strong Feelings
When you’re a small child who doesn’t quite know how to deal with such overwhelming emotions, you’re going to lash out or behave in ways that are unlike you. And when you’re reprimanded for such behaviors, it only adds to the confusion – you don’t know why you’re doing this, or how you can stop!
Confusion and anger can make kids feel like they’re backed into a corner, and they can’t get out because of the reaction they’re facing from other people. What should have been just a hard couple of months could turn into a hard year, and that’s not good for the health of the family as a whole.
Which is why it’s so important to talk openly and honestly about such feelings, even when you, as an adult, aren’t sure how to handle them yourself.
Divorce is incredibly worrying for kids thanks to just how new and confusing the entire situation can be. Kids will go through stages of feelings, just like adults do when dealing with a loss, and that can be hard to deal with when you have next to no life experience to work with.
- contributed post