Pregnant and Stressed – CoParenting resources

Pregnant and Stressed – CoParenting resources

Susan Cowe Miller highlights how EFT can benefit you and your unborn child

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) aka Tapping is a Self-Help tool to lower and manage anxieties, feelings of anger or unfairness, overwhelm, panic or fear.

Are you pregnant and troubled by anxiety?

  • Is your relationship with your partner in trouble?
  • Has your marriage broken down?
  • You have been left suddenly and must deal with the pregnancy yourself.
  • You are struggling with this situation and have very little emotional support.

 
Working with a practitioner can clear deep rooted anxieties and offers resolution to long term stress and traumatic issues.

 


 

Key point:

 
Your unborn child can sense trauma, shock and anxiety experienced by you. Your unborn child cannot disassociate from your feelings.

When you become pregnant, the baby growing inside you cannot disassociate from what you are feeling. Your feelings of shock, high stress or deep anxiety are transferred directly to your unborn child. Months later when it is time for your child to be born it may enter into the world, believing subconsciously, that the world is a dangerous place. The baby may be anxious, difficult to settle. A cycle of new anxiety may be established.

(A child can take on ancestral patterns of behaviour and beliefs subconsciously; directly from you the mother. Often as adults we need to clear some ancestral beliefs and behaviours which we have inherited from our mother and before. Quite simply if they do not serve why would we wish to keep them. We need to clear).

 

Young Children and babies in-utero can feel stress

Stress and anxiety is not just an adult concern.  Children under two years old and in-utero, sense and are emotionally affected by stress and disharmony in the home.

Children can sense when a parent feels less stressed. Previous negative behavioural patterns can decrease as children sense this change in a parent.

When a demanding or needy child has a sense of more calm, they subconsciously adapt their previous attention seeking behaviour to what might be considered as more acceptable behaviour. It is of course all relative to the individual.

A happy and relaxed child who has shown signs of emotional distress can subconsciously dismiss and remove troubling behaviours very, very quickly. This is possible perhaps, because they have not lived with and been affected by parental disharmony over a long period of time. Less emotional upset has been caused. Emotional distress can evaporate quicker than a child who knows only disharmony or upset.

Once a baby or child senses calm and love coming from the father or mother all relationships can improve very quickly.

Be Mindful of Self-Care opportunities:

Techniques, strategies and working towards a better personal situation is empowering. When you feel better, your unborn child can sense this.

Benefits of learning EFT

It can help you to de-stress and therefore your unborn child will sense a positive change . You can feel more calm and in control; your baby will feel the same.

What happens during Tapping?

 

Tapping Points

    Crucially EFT works at two levels.

  1. Mindset Level

  2. Cellular Level.

We quieten and clear Mind Chatter; our Inner Voice. The voice some of us mistakenly think is correct and in charge of who and what we are. The Inner Voice which goes over and over our negative beliefs and anxieties. When we listen to that negative voice we give these anxieties more and more power. We are confused because we think these beliefs and thoughts must be true.

But this Inner Voice can be hushed when we release the energy at Cellular Level .

How is negative blocked energy released?

We release the blocked energy- the feelings of stress and physical discomfort- by Tapping on specific Energy meridians in our body (Acupuncturist use needles to do this; we Tap). Very specifically we state

  • where we feel our discomfort.
  • describe its shape, size and colour.

The more specific we can be the better so that blocked energy/stress can be worked on and released.

We voice the specific fear we hear in our head and by combining Voicing and Tapping, we can release the blocked energy. The charge is gone.

How long do I need to tap?

Five to ten minutes of Tapping can make significant improvements to how we feel. When we feel more calm and in control we are better fit to deal with our given situation.

 

EFT is practiced and shared by Counsellors, Hypnotherapists, Doctors, Psychiatrists…..

Perhaps it’s time for you and your baby or child to benefit from Tapping?

 

For specific Tapping Routines please visit my website: EFT Video tapping routines.

Contact Susan on 07917 680 967 to find out more or visit Hampshire-EFT.

Susan is the author of Survive and Thrive after Trauma.

She specialises in Relationship Stress, Pregnancy and Infertility issues, and Emotional Trauma relating to physical health issues.

 

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Do Babies Cause Divorce?

Do Babies Cause Divorce?

My submission to this week’s Tomorrow’s Child Exhibition in Parliament – part of the 1001 Critical Days Manifesto – was created as a reflection of my role as the UK’s “Alternative Divorce Guide”, and is a series of videos under the title of “Do Babies Cause Divorce?

Family breakdown has been estimated to cost the taxpayer almost £46 Billion a year through effects on health, extra housing support, lost work hours, legal aid and other related factors. That’s more than we spend on defence.

The focus in these short films is on how during the first 1001 days, divorce and family separation has a range of effects upon the new life – and therefore the family as a whole, and society – both financially, health-wise and also on a deeper level of ethics/humanity.

I draw upon scientific research, interviews with experts (eg. psychotherapists, family mediators), I include some of the artwork from artists involved in the Tomorrow’s Child exhibition, and the creative expression of children who have experienced the effects of divorce.

 

Consequences of family breakup

I discovered some frightening statistics during my research:

27% of UK couples that were cohabiting when their child was born will have separated by the time the child is aged 5.

And 9% of couples that were married when their child was born will have separated by their child’s 5th birthday.
 

Do Babies Cause Divorce Part 1
 

 

Up to 10 per cent of new fathers are experiencing depression in the six months after a baby’s birth – with little support available from health professionals.

A review of studies by the Father Involvement Research Alliance shows that children of involved fathers do better academically. They are also less likely

to have behaviour problems at school and to experience depression. Canadian scientists believe growing up in a fatherless household could permanently alter the structure of the brain and produce children who are more aggressive. Dr Gabriella Gobbi of McGill University in Canada said that the main impacts were seen in the prefrontal cortex.

More than one million children in the UK currently have no contact with their father while they are growing up, a figure that is growing by 20,000 a year.

Scientists claim that Mothers who are stressed out in pregnancy ‘transmit’ the effect to their unborn baby as early as 17 weeks. Pregnant women undergoing the trauma of a marital breakup may experience fluctuations in blood pressure that adversely affect the foetus. A distraught mother may likely deliver a depressed or distraught infant that may require intensive postnatal care due to a low birth weight or underdeveloped organs.

A study of English mothers-to-be found that going through a major upheaval, such as a bereavement or separation, dramatically raised the odds of their baby suffering ill health by the age of four. Previous research has linked stress in the womb with lowering the unborn child’s IQ and raising the odds of hyperactivity, emotional problems and disobedience.

Studies show the children of highly stressed and anxious pregnant women were at double the risk of hyperactivity and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) at the age of four. Anxiety in pregnancy seems to have greater effects than antenatal depression.

Research also shows that children of separated couples are less likely to have successful relationships themselves as adults.

Demographic studies show that more than 40 percent of children born to two parents can expect to live in a single-parent family by the time they are 18. Parenthood seems to provoke the spike in the divorce and separation statistics, with roughly a fifth of all marriages ending within five years after the birth of the first child.

 

But despite these frightening statistics, with the right education and support, there are so many holistic ways for families to mitigate the effects of family separation on their children, and in some cases, even to potentially prevent the separation in the first place.

 

Do Babies Cause Divorce Part 2

 

The films take us through a journey of the every day pressures on families and how those challenges can be relieved through knowing where to get help, and by communities becoming more aware of the huge impact on families of these new lives coming into being.

That this is a responsibility that we should all share for the benefit of our society as a whole, and of the children that we raise within it.

Suzy Miller

CoParenting in a Box

 

SuzyShowOff

 

 

Suzy Miller is the UK’s unique ‘Alternative Divorce Guide’, Public Speaker and Trainer, featured on Radio 4 Women’s Hour, the Daily Mail and C5’s The Vanessa Show.

Suzy also has created CoParenting in a Box – a unique online resource being made available to thousands of UK employees via the employee benefits provider Perkbox.

 

Tomorrow’s Child Exhibition – 1001 Critical Days Manifesto

Tomorrow’s Child Exhibition – 1001 Critical Days Manifesto

Without a name, an unseen face

Without a name; an unseen face and knowing not your time nor place, Tomorrow’s Child, though yet unborn, I met you first last Tuesday morn.

 

The beginnings of this poem by Glenn Thomas was read by Ray Anderson during his TED conference talk regarding sustainability, but today its ethos is being addressed by the charity Parent Infant Partnership (PIP) UK who are facilitating an exhibition in Parliament, to continue focusing the hearts and minds of policymakers regarding the experience of being a baby in the UK.

tomorrows child exhibition 1001 critical days manifesto

The origins of Monday’s Child is fair of face rhyme with its beginnings in the mid-nineteenth century, used a fortune telling methodology to predict the life chances of childhood. Today there is incontrovertible scientific understanding which is contributing to policy discussions of the 1001 Critical days: conception to age 2 period – asking for a cultural shift in thinking about the importance of the antenatal period and its significance for future life chances of the unborn baby.

Tomorrow’s child exhibition presents a creative response to the only cross-party children’s manifesto in the country which brings together a coalition of policy-makers, professionals and parents, to enable the village around the infant-family in our local communities.

Should the day in which you are born determine your life chances? Giving every baby the best possible start in life presents us with a challenge and responsibility to consider together what that looks like in the UK. How well we are doing with what science and economics is showing us is a progressive way of thinking for better outcomes for our citizens.

 

Suzy Miller is the UK’s unique ‘Alternative Divorce Guide’, Public Speaker and Trainer, featured on Radio 4 Women’s Hour, the Daily Mail and C5’s The Vanessa Show.

Her submission, Suzy Miller: Alternative Divorce Guide is a series of videos under the title of “Do Babies Cause Divorce?

The focus of these short films is how, during the first 1001 days, divorce and family separation has a range of effects upon the new life  and therefore the family as a whole, and society – both financially, health-wise and also on a deeper level of ethics/humanity.

 

 
 

Earliest relationships and children’s experiences of this right from their experience in the womb, lays the foundations of potential and building blocks to support infant and early childhood mental health.

Creative collaborations between a community of 60 artists and scientists have generated a fascinating menagerie of art objects, images and designs, which positions this exhibition as a pioneering piece of neuroscientific enterprise.

 
 

Saying bad things about Mummy: Co-parenting through divorce and separation

 
In Psychology Today, Edward Kruk has written of 11-15% of the children of divorcing parents suffering the effects of implacable hostility. In the UK, where roughly 250,000 divorces are granted every year, that estimate would equate to some 50,000-75,000 children every year.

The parent labelled with ‘implacable hostility’ is unable to see any value in their child spending time with the other parent.  But the effects of this on the child can be extreme, and the phrase used to discribe this is Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), which can begin at a very young age – even younger than 2 years old.

But there are much more subtle and common forms of alienation, and not always against the non-resident parent.

This mother shares her story:

 

Building babies minds has been a recent campaign launched by the charity PIPUK, recently saw over 10 million people across the UK engaged in raising awareness of infant mental health in the first national week of its kind. Infant mental health and its public message of prevention as cure, contributes significantly to children’s mental health and it is in this context that thinking about a child’s life chances can be thought about – preventonomics to give a better start for investing into our future generations.

 

Tim Loughton MP says:

“There is a growing acknowledgment that those first early years of a child’s life are absolutely crucial. Getting it right as parents supported by professional help and public investment where needed has the potential to make a huge difference to how that child will grow into an adult contributing to society.

Putting this approach at the heart of what Government does in which there is now buy in of all the political parties. I’m delighted to be sponsoring the Tomorrow’s Child exhibition in Parliament which is a creative response to the 1001 critical days’ manifesto from a community of artists and scientists who have worked in collaboration over many months to bring the arts and science together for such an important topic”.

 

Bringing art and science together to represent the names and faces of the 776,352 babies born each year in the UK and the many losses which add up to 3,564 stillbirths, 42,841 recorded miscarriages and around 186,000 through termination of pregnancy brings a focus for the infant-family and all of the joys and sorrows experienced in homes throughout our villages, towns and cities.

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