Keep Your Kids In Mind During Your Separation*

by Start Over Suzy | Jan 16, 2019 | Blog

If you and your partner no longer want to be together, that’s fine. But, the most important thing to keep in mind here is your children. You need to be thinking about them at all times through the separation and some of the impacts that this can have on them. We are not saying that you shouldn’t separate, if there is no love anymore then you should, but we know how hard this can be on children, and you need to realize this too. In this article, we are going to talk about some of the impacts that separation can have on children, and why this happens.

 

Depression

It’s never going to be nice to see your mum and dad split up, but it is going to be even harder if your child understands, or half understands what’s going on. Knowing that one parent isn’t going to be living in the house anymore is going to be difficult because they are not used to this. Further than this, when one parent does leave the house, it could make your child feel as though they are not loved. It is vital that they know this is not the case.

Depression in children does happen, and you might not think it is possible but it is. They are more aware of what is going on than you think, and separation takes a heavy toll on them. It is important that your child is getting the support that they need throughout this entire process.

Regression

Something else that you need to be aware of is that your child might start to regress when you and your partner split up. You might be looking for a quickie divorce, but you need to think about how much this is going to impact your child. For example, if they have just come out of their bed wetting phase, it is possible that this is going to start all over again. It is important to realize that you should not get angry with your child for this as it is something they cannot control. They may also become more attached and clingy to you like they were when they were a baby, but you need to help them grow out of this.

You have to be sensitive to this, without being a pushover. It is important that your child stops this as soon as possible, without you yelling at them about it.

Stress And Pressure

Finally, your divorce could cause a lot of stress and pressure for your child. They may feel like they have to choose a side, meaning they have to choose a parent and this can be very hard. That is why it is vital you do not make your child feel as though they have to pick between their parents or the other one won’t love them anymore. You need to keep the entire process as stress-free as possible for your kids.

We hope that you have found this article helpful, and know some of the ways that you can keep your kids in mind during your separation.

 

• contributed post

If You Can’t Be Amicable, Be Civil*

by Start Over Suzy | Dec 23, 2018 | Blog

Whether it’s the end of a long-term relationship or a divorce that you’re going through; break-ups are difficult emotionally, and can be a financial challenge. Even though it’s a time that will be led by your heart and emotional feelings; you need to ensure that you have your head screwed on, so that you can protect yourself financially, and have a fresh start without any money worries. Even though your emotions will be running high, it’s worth keeping a level head wherever possible so that you can ensure the process is no more painful than it already is.

Some decent communication, calm planning, and future planning, are the best ways to move forward with your life successful. Therefore, it’s time to begin the process, and make some potentially brave decisions that will have a positive impact on your life. The following are some areas to consider when you’re going through a split, and saying goodbye to a relationship and need a little assistance with the logistics, finances, and any potential future plans.

If You Can’t Be Amicable, Be Civil

Nobody enjoys the process of dividing belongings and assets; therefore, the more amicable you can be about the situation, or at least, civil, the easier the time will be. Don’t make rash decisions in the heat of the moment, and ensure that you don’t end up arguing over insignificant things because of hurt feelings. Work out exactly what belongs to you first so that you can remove those things from the situation. Next, discuss the larger items in your relationship; you may have to do this with a lawyer, which will ensure that you have a clean break and learn how to save your assets and money.

Try to remember that not every legal decision made during your break-up will seem fair; however your ex-partner will be feeling the exact same way, and you’ll need to accept the result in order to move forward with your life. You don’t want to end up regretting the time that you wasted arguing and fighting the legal process; the quicker your finances are sorted out, the quicker you can begin a new chapter in your life.

When It’s Time To Begin Rebuilding

Planning your income to suit your new circumstances is essential. You may have to downsize your accommodation, or look into apartments for rent for singles, and your weekly lifestyle will need to adjust to your new finances. If you’ve been left in a bad financial situation, after legal fees and deposits on new rental properties, you may have found yourself in debt, and with a terrible credit rating. It’s worth doing some serious financial planning, and calling on those who can help you get back on your feet again.

Seeking out a new area to live, and changing the car that you drive, are ways to cut the costs of living; and are also routes to forgetting the past and starting again, which will help you heal emotionally and financially. So, remember that each new step is a positive one, and heading in the direction of your new life.

Being Strong And Cutting Ties

The hardest part of any breakup is the feeling of loss, so it’s always tempting to check on your ex and see what they’re up to. Searching through someone’s social media to find out where they are and what they’re doing isn’t going to help you move forward to the next stage of your life. So, to close the chapter on your relationship; you need to delete their social media accounts, along with any phone numbers and email addresses. It’s going to be difficult; but you’ll cut out the temptation of making contact with your ex, which will help you to stop thinking about the relationship so you can move forward more quickly. Check out some advice online and learn what to do regarding social media and your ex. Constantly checking up on anyone is an unhealthy habit, especially if it’s an ex-partner, so stop it and cut all ties.

Make The Most Of Your Support System

Often, breakups can lead to a person spiraling into a poor state of mental health and unhealthy lifestyle choices and habits. If your friends and loved ones are voicing their concern at your behavior after a breakup; listen to them and seek help as soon as possible. There are plenty of places that offer people the help, support, and the road to recovery if they find themselves in a vicious circle of detrimental behavior. Use the support of your family and ask them to help you make the changes you need to regain your life and move forward successfully. Loved ones are there to advise you and only want the best for your physical and mental health, so don’t shut them out and embrace what they have to say.

Use Your Experience To Grow Stronger

When you feel that you’re in a stronger mind space and feel confident in your position in life again; you can begin to reflect on your past relationship. Remember that you have broken up because you were not right for each other; but, think about anything you could have handled differently so that you can improve and grow as a person. Looking back over some of the negative habits you and your ex may have got into can be a positive thing as you’ll be able to spot them and avoid them from happening with your future first dates and partner. Don’t over analyze everything somebody said out of upset or anger; this will only make you feel low, and often things are said without meaning during the heat of an argument.

There’s no point dwelling on your past; learn from it, seek the right help and advice, and move forward with your head held high ready for what life can bring next. The break-up process won’t have been an easy ride, but if you’ve made it out of the other side with a roof over your head, and you’re still working, you’re successful already. Ensure that you keep planning your next steps carefully, and don’t make any purchase or big decisions when you’re feeling overwhelmed and emotional. By implementing changes when you have a cool head, you’ll end up making wise choices, which will stand you in good stead for your future life.

• contributed post